They want you to believe the Bitcoin Conference 2023 was a roaring success, but underneath a veneer of excitement lies some of the darkest and most depraved things we have covered to date. After much discussion in the editorial office, we decided it was our duty as the finest journalists
In a groundbreaking move, Marathon Digital Holdings (MARA) has unveiled a new Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiative in the mining space. The company has launched a mining fund exclusively dedicated to working with Black trans bitcoin miners. This bold step comes on the heels of Marathon's previous
The FDA has released a new study and community statement claiming that stacking Bitcoin can reduce penile length by up to 2 inches. The study was overseen by the FDA's Head of Research, Janet Francis, who said, "We have found a clear correlation between the amount of
In a rare move, the Mossad, the famed Israeli intelligence agency, has issued a statement distancing themselves from crypto influencer Udi Wertheimer. The statement claims that Wertheimer has no current affiliation with the agency due to his rampant shilling of shitcoins and unethical behavior tied to FTX, Luna and other
Popular website Pornhub has announced that it will be acquiring shuttered exchange FTX and launching a Bitcoin-only exchange service called Cornhub. The move is seen as a way for users to participate in the expanding camgirl market, while aligning with Pornhub's long term vision of getting fucked repeatedly.
In a shocking revelation, it has been reported that Texas Slim, co-founder of the Beef Initiative, was spotted at Chamberlain's Steak & Chop House in Dallas, Texas, asking for A-1 steak sauce for his well-done ribeye. The news has nearly destroyed the Bitcoin meat sector, with many meat
The IRS has announced a groundbreaking initiative aimed at helping Americans who own or trade cryptocurrencies with their tax obligations. This new multi-pronged program includes a variety of online and in-person resources designed to make it easier than ever before to calculate your crypto tax burden. One of the most
BREAKING: It has been revealed that Chris Cornell, the former singer of Soundgarden and Audioslave, is actually alive and well. According to sources, Cornell has been living on 100 acres of land in rural Wyoming and going by the Twitter handle DirtyShotYa. This news has come as a massive surprise
Oi, ‘ave you ‘eard the news? Peter McCormack, the Bitcoin podcaster and influencer from Bedford, ‘as been outed as a bloomin’ royal! That’s right, members of rival football club Elstow Abbey did some digging efore the upcoming match, and found that McCormack comes from the lineage of King Offa
An anonymous and unidentifiable bearded man has recently been seen in a video for Riot Platforms discussing CO2 production at the Riot Rockdale Facility. He carried a CO2 measuring meter around the exterior and interior of the Bitcoin mining facility while making unverified and non-scientific claims about the CO2 production
Bitcoin analyst Nic Carter, who famously proclaimed that his star is rising, may want to rethink his astrological beliefs. Researchers at the Mauna Kea Observatory have identified Carter's star, and it is currently in retrograde, with no signs of turning around for the next 236 years. The star
In a shocking turn of events, the Ethereum network has just completed the Shanghai update. For those not familiar with the crypto world, this means that all of the staking degens out there just got Shanghaied. Yes, you read that correctly. They got Shanghaied. We spoke with ETH Founder Vitalik