BREAKING: Document Leak Exposes Janet Yellen's Boudoir Budget
In a stunning turn of events, a provision deep in the Debt Ceiling packages has led to a document surfacing showing that Secretary of the Treasury, Janet Yellen's government-sponsored boudoir budget would have allowed an additional day before the Treasury default1.
The Treasury Department has been tight-laced about their spending habits, but the leaked document reveals that the department had allocated a surprising amount of funding for a "gingham-focused" boudoir budget. The timing couldn't be more impeccable: the federal government was expected to run out of money by Monday, June 5th, 20231.
President Joe Biden, in a recent press conference, commented, "I'd whip that Gingham Style" which, in retrospect, takes a whole new meaning following the revelation of Yellen's Gingham-adorned budget.
This isn't the first time Yellen's undergarments have made news. Earlier this year, former DOE deputy assistant secretary for spent fuel and waste, Sam Brinton, was reportedly involved in a luggage theft scandal. One of the stolen luggage was found to contain a collection of gingham-patterned lingerie, later revealed to belong to Yellen. Brinton, previously making headlines as a non-binary nuclear waste official, found themselves in hot water, facing up to 10 years in prison for their alleged thefts2.
In a surprising twist, Bitcoin maximalist OptimistFields weighed in on the situation via Twitter. Known for his longstanding dalliance with Christine Lagarde, he tweeted, "You've never experienced life until you've had a Central Banker in Gingham..." The tweet promptly went viral, further fueling the gingham madness in Washington.
The recently passed Debt Ceiling legislation suspends the federal government's borrowing limit until 2025. As a part of the bill, some government spending has been capped for the next two years, including Yellen's controversial boudoir budget. However, the legislation does not address the fast-growing programs like health and retirement costs, which are projected to eat up a significant share of the budget1.
All in all, gingham-gate has added a new layer of intrigue to Washington's political hellscape. While the Debt Ceiling standoff is resolved for now, the saga of gingham lingerie and the curious case of Yellen's boudoir budget are sure to leave a lasting imprint on the political discourse. As the fallout from this leak continues to unravel, one thing is clear: Washington has never been more in style.
