BREAKING: Millions of Americans Misdiagnosed as Communists Due to Uncanny Similarities in Symptoms
In a shocking revelation, the psychological and scientific communities have come under fire for misdiagnosing millions of Americans as communists, when in reality, they simply possess subpar cognitive abilities. The embarrassing blunder has left many questioning the credentials of psychologists and political scientists on X (Formerly Twitter).
According to a recent study published in the Journal of Diagnoses, the symptoms of communism and those of intellectual disability are virtually indistinguishable. Researchers discovered that traits such as a lack of critical thinking, an inability to understand complex ideas, and a propensity for parroting simplistic slogans are present in both conditions.
"It's no wonder we got it wrong," admitted Dr. Emily J. Miller, a leading psychology influencer. "When someone is espousing Marxist ideologies without being able to explain the concept of supply and demand, it's hard to tell whether they're a committed socialist or just... retarded."
The misdiagnosis has left many Americans feeling bewildered and confused. "people keep calling me a communist online but I am not! I ain't no communist!" said Jimmy Wilson, a 32-year-old man from Ohio. "I was relieved to find out everyone was wrong."
The news has sparked outrage among those who have been misdiagnosed, with many taking to X to express their frustration. "Just found out I'm not a communist, I'm just a level below midwit," tweeted @SovietSarah. "My whole life has been a lie!"
Experts are now urging caution when diagnosing communism, suggesting that a comprehensive cognitive evaluation should be conducted before labeling someone a Marxist. "It's a nuanced distinction, but an important one," said Dr. David Kim, a political scientist influencer and moderator of multiple unofficial political science subreddits. "We must avoid stigmatizing individuals with intellectual disabilities by mistakenly attributing their lack of understanding to a particular ideology."
As the news continues to spread, many are left wondering how such a egregious error could have occurred. "It's a classic case of confirmation bias," said Dr. Miller. "We saw what we wanted to see, and we ignored the obvious signs of... let's say, 'cognitive simplicity'."
In response to the backlash, X has announced plans to introduce a new hashtag, #NotCommunistJustRetarded, to help raise awareness about the issue. The platform has also pledged to provide resources and support for those who have been misdiagnosed, including access to adult education courses and cognitive therapy. People from the Bitcoin community are increasingly joining the discussion and are trying to persuade experts to consider orange pilling everyone in order to fix the problem.
As the dust settles, one thing is clear: the intersection of psychology, politics, and X is a minefield of misunderstandings waiting to happen.
