Texans Report Massive Bitcoin Mine Producing Infamous "Brown Noise"
For several years Texas residents have been furious over the capabilities of the state's power grid, and extreme weather can make conditions difficult for utility providers in southeast Texas.
About 40 miles southwest of Fort Worth, a new threat to compound the state's power problems may be emerging. Texas is currently the center of the Bitcoin mining world with 10 large facilities. Residents near one mine in Hood County are feeling in the effects in two ways. They're worried that the Bitcoin mining will lead to another statewide energy failure. Others? They're just shitting their pants.
A Bitcoin mine owned by Marathon Digital Holdings is causing residents to shit their pants involuntarily and residents say it's becoming impossible to live there because of the mines' unpredictable propensity to produce what experts call the "brown noise". The brown noise was made popular by South Park nearly 25 years ago when Eric Cartman set out to find it and use it to make people shit their pants.
"I remember the South Park episode well. It is one of my favorites!" Hood County resident Roy Donk told The Bugle. When I involuntarily shit my pants for the first time two months ago I thought I was just adjusting to the carnivore diet but then I remembered the episode and thought of the mines." Donk added.
Donk laughed but residents say there's nothing funny about the Bitcoin miners causing them to shit their pants. "Even if you're pro Bitcoin, this isn't acceptable" says local Bitcoin podcaster Steven Chong. He told a guest on his podcast who was a purported expert on the recorder that its impossible to transact adversarially when the threat of shitting your pants looms over you like a dark cloud.
Chonk concluded, "what's arguably worse than shitting your pants is that this situation is giving everyone in the community Bitcoin Derangement Syndrome as a result of the involuntary bowel movements. You can buy a new pair of Lee Dungarees if you shit in them. Missing out on the best and most important invention in human history because of BDS will ruin your family legacy."
Marathon did not respond to The Bugle's request to comment but the publicly traded company told the Fort Worth Chronicle that there is no evidence their miners are causing people to shit their pants or develop BDS. However, the company recently hired law firm Thompson Coburn, known for its decades of experience representing tobacco companies against class action lawsuits but the company says its just a coincidence and the move is unrelated to the brown noise accusations.
Special thanks to Nathan for the scoop on this story.
