Donald Trump Saves Democracy by Laying Off Deep State Assassination Conspirators
In a shocking move never before seen in Washington DC, 60 high ranking FBI and CIA employees, as well as some officials in the State Deptartment, had their employment terminated Thursday after conclusive evidence was found directly linking them to multiple conspiracies to assassinate Donald Trump. These treasonous actions were met with swift and direct action Thursday morning as one employee interviewed said they had barely sipped their morning coffee before a professional, if curt, email came in informing them that their employment had been terminated due to treason and they should leave with their belongings.
"It's time for justice in America, " Pam Bondi, AG of the United States said when responding to our request for comment. "Treason will absolutely be punished. These traitors to the constitution will no longer be paid a government salary while plotting to kill the duly elected president. We have a mandate from the American people to end the weaponization of government, and putting these traitors on unemployment is how we break this cycle."
The treason-plotting agents were seen leaving their respective headquarters with cardboard boxes full of personal belongings, wads of cash, state secrets, automatic weapons, and other normal things to be seen leaving a government building with.
"Yeah it's tough," one agent says as he walks out of FBI headquarters, "one minute you're planning to kill the president at your government day job and the next minute you're collecting unemployment benefits. It's really a shock to the system. But I hear China is hiring and I got all this secret stuff I can sell them so I think I'll land on my feet. Maybe even pick up the 8647 project again in Beijing."
This serves as a stern warning to other government employees. If you get caught committing the most heinous premeditated acts of murder possible, you could quickly find yourself on welfare.
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