Bitcoin Clubhouse, Florida’s Vape Shop (Part 2)
Written by Finn Davidoff in collaboration with @techcryptive’
In order to understand Bitcoin Clubhouse, we thought the best place to start was inside Florida Bitcoin’s (X: @Florida_Btc) Vape Shop, where the vortex of vapor clouds and virtual currency meet. You see, almost every typical ‘early Bitcoiner’ has a troubled past. Florida Bitcoin himself will tell you tales, misguided investments, and questionable life choices. But that is only at the surface. In-between the sweet tunes of Classic Rock or Heavy Metal at the shop is a guy in cargo shorts smash buying sats any chance he gets. Sold a lightsaber vape? Smash buys. Feels hungry? Buys a smashburger or makes a steak with a side of smash potatoes. Needs a product review? Reads the smashable blog. The smashing is far gone but it’s the new layer 2 philosophy that pairs well with his often-championed degenerate leveraged buys. This stack building isn’t some vape-induced hallucination you see no-no, the follies are over. The crypto coyote howls at the moon to favor his golden returns with a hint of desperation thrown in for good measure. That is, until Florida met his new mentor Bitcoin Tina (X: @BitcoinTina) - the Queen of Currency.
In late 2022, After a riveting discussion on macroeconomics, one of Bitcoin Clubhouse’s main characters, Bitcoin Tina decided to take a direct red-eye flight to Florida’s Vape Shop. The two met for the first time, facet-to-face to continue their riveting discussion, encompassing the futures markets, commodities and speculative crypto investment assets. The union was serendipitous. For the first time ever, both found trust and confided in each-other admitting they both carried a bastard bear child in their womb. The reaction was immediate and electric. The two influencers convinced themselves, because of the looming bear market, the next wave of fine cuisine would be cat food. It was time to dump all the stocks and Bitcoin and start a new catfolio. They formed a secret hand shake, the kind you make in a dark room with a flashlight, and would look each other in the eyes and whisper, “the meowvment is coming…”.
The plan was in play. They set out to corner the market in Northern Florida. In fear of a bitcoin move that was unsustainable for they embarked on a secret accord to accrue the elusive yet valuable Catcoin that could only be mined inside street drains, under bridges and in urban alleyways with his newfound partner in crime Bitcoin Tina. As they drove off in the U-Haul full of hopes and dreams, they shouted loudly and proclaimed there’s a new crypto king in town, and its name is Catcoin. They cruised the streets, engaged in heated debate over the finer points of feline cuisine. They would use that as cash reserves. Nothing says financial security like a pods storage unit full of Fancy Feast cat food securely stored off i95. They emptied out their pods storage unit full of N95 masks and filled it with Fancy Feasts cat food. They were happy and settled into their new valuable commodity.
While in the U-Haul van, Tina, argued with Swan Bitcoin influencer, Terrence (X: @TYonClubhouse) about the price of cat food. Tina revealed to the room that 6.15% of his portfolio was in a variety of different cat food flavors. Terrence was shocked. He recommended that Tina go on What Bitcoin Did to uncover his new trading strategy. Our reporters found this Ordinal inscribed on the Bitcoin Blockchain that is currently listed for 0.615 Bitcoin (https://scarce.city/marketplace/digital/26179…). This U-haul adventure was wondrous. They combed the streets, Tina with his arm out the window feeling the wind all the while leaving a whiff of vape smoke trailing out of and into the dense swampy Florida air as they both sang Paul Simon’s You Can Call Me Al bobbing their heads side to side.
High above the sky was a flying Bitcoin Swan Terrence (X: @TYonClubhouse) that detected the scent and swooped down for more. The scent of e-juices and potpourri was enough to garner a closer inspection. Terrence the Swan, now perched on the passenger side door mirror listened in as Tina speculated whether he should put 6.15% of his catfolio into Purina or Fancy Feast. Forget stocks and bonds – we're talking about kibble and bits, baby. Terrence the Swan was shocked and started scratching his wing in disbelief, wondering if he had accidentally stumbled onto an alternate reality where Friskies is the new fiat currency. He cucked in disbelief, turned his neck into his little messenger backpack and pulled out a mini scroll the size of a fortune cookie and dropped it onto Tina’s lap and flew away.
Tina, not having noticed the bird saw and opened the scroll and it read, “Use promo code LEGIT”. Befuddled, Tina just kept singing, “I can be your daddy…” After their journey through the aisles of pet stores, Tina and Florida returned to the Vape Shop for a well-deserved break, sharing a pack of Paul Mall menthols. The next day, Tina departed, leaving behind a leaving an empty monster energy drink and a half eaten chocolate crème filled cupcake. Tina and Florida Bitcoin haven’t spoke since.
To be continued
